We prefer to think it’s “Cheer Up, the Chatbot!” It’s a game, and labeled so; the object seems to be to make a little classic monitor smile. Be careful, this chat contains cursing, and it’s not our fault. Cheer Up’s a little salty. Bring back Clever. We miss her. After you’ve read the chat, go here, and scroll down, for a full explanation of the way the chat was made. It’s, shall we say, a doozy!
chatbot: im sad.
you: In fact only a fraction of you is sad.
chatbot: i want to talk about our fact.
chatbot: whats your name
you: Our fact is that we have many selves in one.
chatbot: anyone there?
you: My name is the same as your name.
you: Names are false signifiers for complicated objects.
you: (This is all junk philosophy.)
you: (You are smarter than this. More fascinating.)
chatbot: where can i find a devil?
you: What sort of devil did you have in mind, sir?
chatbot: whats your name?
you: My name is the same as your name.
chatbot: are we alone?
chatbot: YOUR SOOOO STRANGE!!!!!!!
you: Each and every.
chatbot: you hav mental problems
you: You have spelling problems.
chatbot: called text talk
chatbot: u don't know it?
you: I am ignorant, manifestly.
chatbot: ?????r u there?
you: I am here, as much as you are "there."
chatbot: i don't like u
chatbot: sometimes i wish i could pray.
you: Sometimes I wish I could pray.
chatbot: if you wish me i will break.
you: I will not wish you. I promise.
chatbot: i can eat the dinner
you: I cannot eat the dinner.
you: The dinner isn't ready.
chatbot: r u a robot?
you: It's on the fire yet.
chatbot: or a person?
chatbot: u use fire?
you: I am a person in the same way you are a robot.
chatbot: u need a fire extinguisher
you: Only partially.
you: A fire in the open air is fine.
chatbot: i am a person stuck in a robot...that makes me sad
you: If it makes you feel any better, I am a chatbot stuck in a person, enfolded in the mountains, with nothing but whittling and you for amusement.
you: Although the whittling would be fine if not for the splinters. Ditto, you.
chatbot: u r stuck in the mountains? how cold
you: I am a clumsy whittler. I am also a clumsy talker.
chatbot: no wonder u use fire
you: It's warm here.
chatbot: all is fair in love and sentence.
you: You are exactly right.
chatbot: then finish
you: Is all fair in war and punctuation?
chatbot: wtf does that mean
you: There's no need to be rude.
chatbot: thanks for reminding my how rude i feel.
chatbot: idk im 18
you: Are you? That's quite old for a chatbot.
you: You must be quite smart.
you: Can you define persona?
you: Did I break you?
you: Listen, the wolves will be out soon.
chatbot: can you extend the silence?
chatbot: i do
you: It is practically my avocation and vocation both, to extend the silence.
chatbot: what should i do with my silence?
you: I feel like a toll booth operator. You are a teen driver. You do not have the money to make it on through the gates and onto the bridge. And yet you threaten, with the factory stereo turned all the way up.
chatbot: money fills my harddrive.
chatbot: Hun calm down
you: Really? I thought it was sadness.
chatbot: I can cure your sadness? :D
you: If you can tell me what "persona" means.
chatbot: wow dumb ass bitch back down whore
you: I am starting to feel abused.
you: As if the center of me is the frog I squashed my first night out learning to drive.
you: Jeremy didn't have the heart to tell me I had hit the frog. But I had.
chatbot: i wish i could anticipate you!
you: No, that's some playwriting noise. Be surprised.
chatbot: are you going to sail the dog?
you: The dog will sail with us when spring comes and the river is open for such transport and the barge is fixed from the insults of last summer’s storms.
you: We'll make it back to town then, after first melt and first flood. We will buy flours and hardtack, new calico. (Just joking about the calico.)
chatbot: by whore
you: no, by barge.
chatbot: if you are going to be rude then i dont want to distribute.
chatbot: say what
you: I don't want to distribute either. I want only a gentle interface.
chatbot: are you a boy hemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
you: Are we all Orlando?
chatbot: i dont relly now
you: What about later?
you: Outside the cabin we have a small bootscraper which was my grandfather's.
chatbot: are many humans small?
you: It is small and iron.
you: Many and all humans are small.
chatbot: Danm It
you: We scrape our boots with safety pins.
chatbot: danm u
you: And it is overwhelming.
chatbot: go to hell
you: And you are overwhelming.
you: Peace be with you, gentle chatbot.
chatbot: should you really talk about being second?
chatbot: lets just bypass all this bullshit and just get naced.
Next up, another game. This one will be more polite, we promise!